What Deidara didn’t tell Tobi

(previous part)

Part 5:

(Corresponding to Chapter 20 of Sculpting)

            Deidara didn’t tell Tobi that not all families could be trusted. His own had betrayed him before the war in Iwa had even begun to make life hard.

            Four year old Deidara had placed the same faith in his parents that Tobi did with his theoretical relatives. The little blond boy waited patiently for them to return when they went on missions, helping out the remaining parent any way he could. Every time they left, he begged them not to go, and made them promise to return safely.

            The last time Deidara saw him, his father ruffled his hair and promised the boy he’d come home as soon as he could.

            “Don’t cry, sport,” he said when Deidara grabbed his legs to keep him from walking out of the house. “I’ve got to go; there’s a very important mission I need to do. Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

            The man didn’t mention to little Deidara that his ‘mission’ involved breaking into daimyo’s private safe. He said nothing about his ‘mission partner’ being the feudal lord’s pretty, much younger civilian wife.

            When the Tsuchikage declared him a missing ninja, Deidara told his mother that it had to be a mistake. His father wouldn’t leave them; he’d promised to come back. ‘You can’t break a promise,’ he told his mother solemnly.

            She sighed and shook her head. “You’ll learn soon enough.”

            And he did.

…………………………………………………………………….

            Deidara didn’t tell Tobi that he knew “I’ll be back soon” was a lie. It always was.

            “I’ll be back soon, I promise,” his father told him as he left the house with his and Deidara’s mother’s life savings, to run away with the Daimyo’s wife and the Daimyo’s money.

He never came back, not even as a corpse. Iwagakure declared him legally dead after the man’s scorned wife tracked him down and confronted him, but there wasn’t enough pieces left to tell for certain.

            “You’ll learn soon enough,” Deidara’s mother whispered to him as he defended his missing father. “Now, go fetch me my kunai set. Mommy’s got a mission.”

            “But Daddy’s not here to watch me,” Deidara protested. He’d never stayed by himself before, and the thought of being alone scared him.

            “You won’t even notice I’m gone, Dei-kun, I promise.”

            “You’ll be back soon?”

            “Yes…I’ll be back soon. It’ll be a quick mission,” his mother assured him.

            She didn’t lie about one thing- the mission was quick. It only took her a few hours to find her cheating husband and his new lover. Deidara’s mother killed the mistress, and inspectors decided that there was too much spilt blood and bits of flesh strewn around for the husband to have escaped alive. They thought she might have thrown the mutilated body into a nearby pond before she broke her other promise to Deidara, and slit her own throat.

            “They say the war will be over in a month,” the nameless chuunin told Deidara as he paid him for his services, “so I’ll be back soon. I…I want to see you again.”

            The teen never returned to see the blond and convince him of his affections. He became another name on the war casualty list and another broken promise in Deidara’s mind. 

            Deidara’s Akatsuki colleges didn’t say the words exactly, but they still made and broke promises to return.

            “You’d better have these expenses balanced out by the time I get back, Deidara,” Kakuzu threatened as he left to collect a routine bounty. The artist painstakingly recorded every expenditure and managed to get his account in order…but the miserly man didn’t come home to see it.

            “I spent three fucking hours making my hair look this perfect, you fucktard! You’ll pay for messing it up!” Hidan snapped after Deidara let an exploding centipede ignite the thick layer of gel on the priest’s head. Kakuzu motioned for the other man to follow him, so Hidan revised his threat. “Tomorrow, Deidara! Tomorrow, you’re fucking dead!”

            The next day, Deidara wasn’t the dead Akatsuki member.

            Sasori didn’t say anything when Deidara left him for the last time, but Deidara could tell he was assured of victory. The way he argued with Deidara in front of their enemies, the ease with which he let Deidara engage the kyuubi and the copy ninja- in his own way, Sasori was saying to him, ‘This is more of an annoyance than a battle. I’ll meet up with you in no time. You’d better not make me wait.’

            Deidara didn’t expect anything more from Tobi’s promise than he did of anyone else’s. After all, if his own parents, who were supposed to love him unconditionally, were able to leave him without a second thought, how could he rely on Tobi’s devotion? If the immortal team and the master artist weren’t able to make it back, why should Tobi?

            Deidara had stopped believing other people’s promises long ago. Everybody left eventually; some just ripped away more of you than others when they did.

……………………………………………………………………………….

            Deidara didn’t tell Tobi that of all the people that had hurt him over the years, Tobi caused him the most pain.

            It was Deidara’s fault for letting Tobi get too close. He’d kept everyone else at arm’s length since his parents’ death, and the distance had helped soften the inevitable blows they dealt him. He’d stayed on guard with everyone else, always watching so they couldn’t stab him in the back.

            It hadn’t even occurred to him to be wary of goofy, obnoxious Tobi. He stopped pushing him away, and by the time Deidara realized he was there, Tobi was near enough to strike a killing blow.

            It hurt because the artist had put himself into the position to be hurt. He offered Tobi a second chance at his first life in exchange for his own freedom. He allowed Tobi to stay in Konoha, even though he wasn’t sure he could live without him any more.

            All he’d wanted was for Tobi to say ‘No.’ One simple word to justify the risks Deidara had taken for him, one syllable to confirm that he hadn’t put his faith in nothing. With one word, they could be together again. One word, and a whole lifetime of disappointment would cease to matter.

            Tobi didn’t say no.

            Deidara didn’t tell him how much it hurt to know that Tobi was just like all of the others after all.

………………………………………………………………………………(next part)

AN: I think this is the last actual chapter of the side story. There will be an epilogue, though, that comes shortly after the end of Sculpting.

(I don’t think this chapter will make much sense without having read chapter 20, so if you don’t follow both stories and are confused, I apologize.)

And sorry if the ideas of this story are a little jumpy. They’re supposed to reflect Deidara’s state of mind, which is understandably a little messed up.  Thanks for sticking with it and getting all the way down to the author’s note!