Splinters

            Kakashi wasn’t, by habit, a pacer. The jounin was more the type to slouch back again the nearest wall and read porn when faced with a wait of any time. So as the Copy Nin paced back and forth in his small apartment, no Icha Icha novel in sight, his nin-dogs were understandably concerned.

            “…Boss, is something the matter?” Pakkun finally asked. The other dogs in the room barked their curiosity as well, since none of them had mastered human speech as fully as the little pug.

            Kakashi paced the length of the room again. The dogs all held their breath. “I’ve got a date.” He confided as last. His loyal ninken, whom he’d raised from pups, tossed back their furry heads and howled in canine laughter. Pakkun snorted.

            ‘No, really, boss, what’s up?” the pug prodded. Kakashi glared with his one dark eye.

            “I have a date.” He said more firmly. Pakkun gaped. The dogs glanced around at one another in disbelief. Kakashi paced.

            Conversing in their canine language, Kakashi’s pack debated the possibility that their anti-social master was telling the truth. He’d never had a date before…They could sense their owner’s nervousness, though, and the faint scent of another on his skin, not just his dirty mission uniform.

            “The brat’s going on his first date!” Pakkun chuckled at last. The others yipped and barked their amusement.

            The jounin stopped his pacing and threw a handful of shuriken at them. “ ‘S not my first date!” he growled. The dogs continued laughing. Kakashi stomped off into his room and shut the door violently. “Mr. Ukki, you’re a much better pet than those flea-bitten mongrels.” Kakashi proclaimed loud enough for his voice to carry through the bedroom door. He picked up his loyal potted plant and gave it a pat on its leafy branches. “You’ll listen, won’t you?”

Outside the door, the dogs’ amusement continued as they pressed their furry ears to the door and listened as their sulking master confided in his plant.

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“And then, when we got back to the village, he stopped outside of the Mission Office and pulled me into an empty room.” Kakashi told Mr. Ukki, whom listened and politely didn’t interrupt.

“Meet me in front of my apartment at seven.” Iruka ordered. “And I do mean seven. If you try to pull that three-hour late crap with me, you’ll regret it.” Kakashi nodded.

“And where are we going to go?” He asked, even though he was technically the one who had asked Iruka out, and therefore should have been the planner.

Iruka flashed him a frustrated glance. “It’s YOUR choice. Just remember, you offered a dinner and a movie before, so I’m not likely to settle with less than that now.”

Dinner and a movie? Kakashi could handle that. No need for all the sweating and internal panicking he was doing right now. Just dinner, a movie, maybe passionate se- No. Maybe. The room Iruka had pulled him into was stifling hot. Kakashi told himself that was the only reason he was finding it hard to breathe.

Iruka closed the distance between them and placed his lips atop Kakashi’s masked ones. The Copy Nin’s eye widened.

“It’s customary to end a date with a kiss.” Iruka declared. “Now, I’m going to turn in our paperwork, and you can go home and start getting ready for our second date.”

Kakashi’s lungs seemed detached from the rest of his body, and his heart beat twice as hard to make up for their slacking off. So apparently there WAS going to be passionate, mind-blowing sex…

“Don’t forget to bring anything you think we might need after the movie!” Iruka called back to him in a sing-song voice as he left the room. Kakashi was left standing there, stunned, for the second time that day.

            “And now I don’t know what I’m supposed to wear, or where we should go, or what kinds of things I should bring.” The distraught jounin wailed to his potted plant. “Do you think I should give him flowers?” He asked.

            Mr. Ukki’s leafy branches swayed, saying quite clearly that ‘You really shouldn’t be asking ME about flowers, since I am a vegetative life-form, and for me giving flowers is like bringing someone the slain corpse of his distant cousin.’

            “Sorry.” Kakashi mumbled, surprised at his lack of tact. ‘How about sake? Sake is safe, right? But then he might think I’m trying to get drunk and take advantage of him…” But something in the way Iruka’s eyes had glinted when he gave Kakashi orders for the date (Kakashi wondered if he gave his pupils their homework assignments with that same tone) told the jounin quite clearly that if anyone was in danger of being taken advantage of on this date, it wasn’t going to be Iruka.

            “Boss, let us help you!” Pakkun barked. Kakashi heard the sound of paws scratching at his bedroom door. He ignored his pack and looked to his wise leafy friend.

            Mr. Ukki’s leaves glared at him. ‘Sake?’ They seemed to cry. ‘You do know what sake is made from, right? Rice! You might as well grind ME up and give me to him!’ Kakashi stroked Mr. Ukki’s trembling branches to calm him down. “Sorry.” He mumbled again. The dogs on the other side of the door were sounding more and more reasonable by the minute.

            “Fine, come in and help me decide what to wear.” Kakashi said, sliding open the door and letting his canine companions stream into his room.

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            At six-thirty, on the other side of the village, Iruka slid into his shower and rinsed away the grime from his weeklong mission. He didn’t talk to his potted plants or ask any of his summons for advice on what to wear. If he was nervous about the date, he wasn’t as obvious as Kakashi was. He might have spent a little extra time in the shower, making sure every inch of his skin was sparklingly clean, but that might have just been because it was the first shower he’d had in a week. If he spent a few extra minutes messing with his hair to get it into a perfect ponytail, it was only because he hadn’t had his hair cut in a while, and it was longer than he was used to.

            At six fifty-four, Iruka sat down on his couch and willed himself to relax. Kakashi was a capable ninja, but from what the chuunin had witnessed of his social skills, if Iruka showed the least bit of nervousness, the other man would panic. It wouldn’t be too much of a problem, Iruka told himself. After all, he gave orders for a living, just as surely as Kakashi took them. All they needed to do was stick to that, and everything would be just fine.

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            At six fifty-five at Kakashi’s apartment, everything was not just fine. “Are you sure this is what I should wear?” Kakashi asked his dogs.

            The ninken nodded. The jounin gave his plant a questioning look. Still obviously offended by his earlier tactless questions, Mr. Ukki refused to respond.

            “Look, boss, this is the only thing you own that isn’t a uniform or funeral clothes. And didn’t you say the Sandaime gave it to you? Did he ever give you a reason not to trust his judgment?” Pakkun asked.

            Kakashi could recall at least seven distinct times that he’d seen the man being pummeled by female bathers who’d caught him spying on them, but decided not to mention it. Besides, the old man’s peeking habits didn’t mean he had bad fashion sense, right?

            Kakashi looked at himself in the mirror, feeling even more foolish and inconspicuous than his old pupil, Naruto.

            “And you’re sure this isn’t too…bright?” He asked nervously. His dogs all shook their fuzzy heads.

            “Of course not, boss.” Pakkun assured him. “Now, get a move on!” the pug ordered. Kakashi looked at the clock, and bolted out the door.

            It wasn’t until he was outside of Iruka’s door, with his finger pushing down the door bell button, dressed in an eye-blindingly orange and red Aloha shirt, did he remember that his dogs were color blind.

            He turned to run, but Iruka’s door swung open before he could make his retreat.

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            Iruka opened his door and stared. He blinked once, twice, but the picture before him didn’t alter. There was Kakashi, renowned shinobi of Konoha, slinking into the shadows, wearing the tackiest shirt the chuunin had ever seen. It was blaze orange, with blood red flowers and white swirls. Iruka was sure that if Gai-san ever saw it, even he would be in awe of how loud the piece of fabric was.

            “Are, are you ready to go?” He asked, proud that he kept all of his laughter on the inside. Kakashi turned around, but still kept well within the shadows.

            ‘ ‘S the last time I listen to a dog’s advice’ he mumbled. Iruka wisely chose not to comment. The ways of jounin were mysterious and worked best when they weren’t questioned.

            The shirt wasn’t nearly as bad from the front. None of the buttons were fastened, and the fabric hung loose and revealed a tight white tee-shirt underneath. Iruka thought the undershirt curved to his muscles quite nicely.

            Shifting uneasily under Iruka’s close scrutiny, Kakashi reached up and ruffled his hair with one hand. Naruto tended to do the same thing when he was uncomfortable, and it made the Copy Nin appear younger and more innocent than he was. Looking at the shirt and the pose and the slight tinge of red on the tops of Kakashi’s cheekbones peaking over the confines of his mask, Iruka decided he liked the general effect. It made the elusive ninja much more approachable…and much more ravagable.

            “Ready to go?” The Copy Nin asked. The silver-haired man shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

            “Yes. Lead the way.” Iruka responded.

            Kakashi beckoned Iruka to follow as he leapt up into the roof of Iruka’s building and along the roofs of the neighboring houses. At first the chuunin was sure Kakashi just wanted to avoid being spotted in the atrocious Aloha shirt, but the other man surprised him by bring him to the top of a well-known restaurant. The roof of the building wasn’t usually in use, but there was a café table and two chairs set up, waiting for them.

            Kakashi motioned Iruka to sit down. The jounin reached under the table and pulled out a paper bag filled with take-out food. The label on the bag told Iruka he’d bought it from the restaurant below, and from the way it was still steaming in the night air, Iruka could tell it had been purchased within the hour.

            Iruka made himself useful and helped Kakashi portion out the food. He reached for the napkins in the condiment holder, and pulled back.

            “Kakashi, I don’t think this is legal.” He said. Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

            “So, the restaurant doesn’t use this roof anyways, they won’t care that we’re trespassing.” The jounin assured him, and passed him his food-laden plate.

            “That may be true, but I do think the Kunai Café down the street will care that you stole this table and these chairs from them.” Before Kakashi could protest, Iruka held up one of the napkins, which had the ‘Kunai Café’ logo printed quite clearly on the middle.

            Kakashi looked away. “They’re closed right now.” He argued. “They won’t miss it for a little while, and I’ll give it back when we’re done.” Iruka wondered if he was using his powers of mimicry to make his voice sound like small child.

            “That still doesn’t make it right.” Iruka lectured. The steaming food on his plate lay untouched. “Why didn’t we just get a table in a normal restaurant?”

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            Why hadn’t Kakashi gotten a table at a normal restaurant? Why not, indeed. There were so many reasons, least of all that Kakashi had no idea how to make a reservation. He wasn’t sure he could deal with other people watching his date with Iruka, and he certainly didn’t want to be seen in his ridiculous shirt (although he’d made the dinner arrangements before his dogs forced him into his present attire). He finally decided on a reason that he could tell Iruka with only marginal embarrassment.

            “If we ate in public, I wouldn’t be able to take off my mask.”  He prided himself on hesitating only a moment before he gathered the courage to reach up and pull the black fabric down.

            Iruka stared, and his tanned face flushed a little. Inner-Kakashi did a victory dance at having finally causing Iruka to be the one stunned speechless, for once.

            “So, is it okay if we eat up here and return the furniture later, sensei?” He asked smugly. Iruka nodded. Maybe this dating stuff wouldn’t be so bad.

            Kakashi wasn’t used to eating and taking at the same time (the times he’d attempted it usually ended in near-chocking), but Iruka seemed more than willing to fill the silence with stories from his wild students and rumors about the ninja that came through the Mission Room during his shifts. For the first time since before his mission with Iruka, Kakashi felt his tension drain away and his body relax in his chair.

            He didn’t know why he’d been so nervous. Eating with a date was remarkably similar to eating with a friend, just with him paying for two portions of food instead of one. Yes, Kakashi was a master of dating! Why hadn’t he attempted this before? All of his fears seemed trivial now.

            The food disappeared quickly, as could be expected with two adult men just back from a long mission. Iruka drummed his fingers against the table.

            “Where to next?” He asked. Kakashi froze. That was right; this dating business was more than just dinner. Kakashi was only past phase one. Now was no time to get cocky. Success was by no means secured.

            “Ah…umm…movie! We watch a movie!” He shouted, maybe a little too enthusiastically, but he couldn’t contain his excitement about knowing the right answer.

            “We can go to the theatre or we can watch a movie at home.” Kakashi rambled, not stopping for so simple a thing as air. “I have this movie with me, or if you don’t like it we can rent another at the movie shop do-” Iruka pressed a finger to Kakashi’s lips, and the jounin almost shuddered when he realized how sensitive they were to touch, a downfall of always having them covered up. He broke off his movie ramble and took a much needed breath.

            “I’m sure whatever movie you have is fine, Kakashi.” He told him gently. “What is it, anyways?”

            Kakashi reached into one of the many pockets of his cargo pants and produced a DVD of Van Helsing.

            Iruka looked the case over. “Is this American?” he asked. Kakashi nodded.

            “It’s really good, and it has werewolves and vampires and monsters and crossbows!” Kakashi said. He paused for a moment, thinking about how he’d like a crossbow as cool as Van Helsing’s. Then he got another nervous though. What if Iruka didn’t like monsters and crossbows?

            “I’ve got another movie if you don’t like that one.” He said quickly, rummaging through his pockets for the second DVD. He had tucked everything he thought he might need into his numerous pockets, including a few alternate movies, some condoms, his lucky kunai, a tube of personal lubricant that smelled like cherries, a rock he’d found that looked like Pakkun, breath mints, and a now-crushed flower, in case Iruka showed any signs of wanting one. He reminded himself that he should probably be listening to Iruka right now, rather than going through inventory. He tuned in just in time to hear Iruka say, “No, this one will be fine.”

            “Ok, then we can head back to my place to watch it.” Kakashi said. Iruka glared for a moment. “After we return this table, of course.” He added quickly. Iruka smiled.

            “Or, we could take the table back and then watch the movie over at my place.” The chuunin said, giving him a coy little smile that made all brain processes freeze.

            “Yeah, we could watch it at your place.” He echoed.

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            Iruka wondered if he hadn’t made the wrong choice as he led Kakashi back to his apartment. The older man was starting to look nervous again, so maybe it would be better if he were in more familiar surroundings when Iruka started stripping him. It was too late now, though.

            When he’d made his plans to bring Kakashi back to his home, Iruka had been planning ahead. He didn’t know what sort of relationship Kakashi was after, so if they had sex at Iruka’s place, Kakashi could decide on his own whether he wanted to leave after or stay the night. That way there wouldn’t be any pressure on him, and he wouldn’t be left with the awkward dilemma of kicking Iruka out if he felt uncomfortable.

            But from the way Kakashi tensed up as he sat himself on the couch to watch the movie, Iruka had his doubts as to whether they were going to be able to get to the awkward naked stage at all. The Copy Nin was seated as far away from Iruka as the chuunin’s couch allowed, and he was keeping his visible eye connected with the TV screen.

            The chuunin let his focus drift to the monster movie, although he made sure to shift his weight ever-so-stealthily in Kakashi’s direction every few minutes. By the time the protagonist and his heroine were starting to cozy up on screen, the sensei was flush with Kakashi’s side, resting his head victoriously on Kakashi’s shoulder. He’d felt statues less tense than the Copy Nin was at the moment. He could take care of that…

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            Kakashi had managed not to react when Iruka inched closer to him and finally leaned up against him. He kept his focus on the movie, and pretended like he didn’t notice the object of his affection was draping himself along Kakashi’s body. It became a little more difficult to give the vampire hunter on the screen his undivided attention when his date reached over and began massaging his shoulders. And when Iruka gave Kakashi’s ear a tentative lick, the startled Copy Nin nearly fell off the couch. He hadn’t known a date would entail this. He made sure to look everywhere but at the chuunin, who was now toying with his Hawaiian shirt, pulling up the unbuttoned sides and snuggling into his side. Kakashi trained his vision in the movie, his only lifeline.

            He made only a tiny ‘eep’ sound when the film cut off and the credits started to roll. He feigned interest in the camera crew to try and gain more time, but Iruka hit the eject button with impatience and dragged the panicking shinobi into the bedroom.

            Kakashi’s jaw dropped when Iruka deposited him on the bed and started shrugging off his clothes.

            “What are you doing?” The jounin gasped.

            “I’m stripping.” Iruka replied. “It’s fun. You should try it.” He added thoughtfully. Kakashi shook his head in disbelief.

            “But…but then we’d be…naked.” He pointed out. Iruka gave him a look of clear confusion.

            “That’s kind of the point. How else am I supposed to have sex with you?” He asked. He reached for Kakashi’s shirt to help pull it off. Kakashi batted his hands away.

            “We can do it with clothes on.” He insisted. If he stripped, he’d be naked and vulnerable and left with weaponry, which was unacceptable. Even if Iruka was a trusted comrade, there were always enemy lurking about, and Kakashi was going to be prepared, damn it!

            Iruka seemed to disagree, and he grabbed one of the loose sides of Kakashi’s shirt. A sort of floral-print tug-of-war ensued

            “No we can’t! Now, strip!” Iruka ordered, jerking the shirt.

            “Yes we can! I’ve done it before.” Kakashi took hold of his shirt and tried to pull it back out of Iruka’s grips. Iruka let the abused fabric slide away.

            “Kakashi, people only do that for Mission sex. Don’t tell me you’ve never done it the normal way.” The chuunin looked at Kakashi’s expression and groaned.

            “What’s wrong with Mission Sex?” Kakashi asked, slightly offended. “It’s very efficient, and you don’t leave yourself open to enemy attacks.”

            “Mission sex is fine for missions, but there’s a reason people usually do it this way. It’s better, trust me.” Iruka said. He lunged suddenly and wrestled Kakashi out of his orange and red shirt. Kakashi finally surrendered the Aloha shirt, in no small part because Iruka was sitting on top of him, stark naked, and it was very hard to resist a naked Iruka.

            Once the offending shirt had been tossed over Iruka’s shoulder and out of reach, the chuunin slid off of Kakashi and rested instead on the bed beside him.

            “Now will you please take off your clothes?” He asked. Kakashi stood slowly and began peeling off his clothes.

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            Iruka observed Kakashi’s undressing without staring outright, because the poor man was scared enough as it was. Iruka felt a little sorry for pouncing on him like he had, but resolved to more than make up for it in the next few hours.

            The Copy Nin hesitated as he got to the strap of his weapons pouch. Iruka considered letting him keep it by the bed if it was going to be that much of a comfort issue. Sometimes jounin were too paranoid for their own good.

            A tentative tanned hand brushed Kakashi’s pale shoulder. Kakashi jumped, and before Iruka could respond, he was pinned to the bed with a kunai hovering near his face. Ok, scratch that last thought. There was no way Kakashi was staying armed when he was that jumpy.

            Iruka pushed Kakashi off of him and stood up. He gave the jounin one of his best teacher stares as he opened up his bottom dresser drawer and ordered Kakashi to stow all his weaponry inside. The other man’s hesitation was clear.

            “Kakashi, look at me. I’m not armed, am I?” He asked. He spun around to give Kakashi the full view of his naked, weapon-free body. “If you don’t believe me, you’re more than welcome to give me a full body search.” He paused and gave Kakashi a lecherous grin, just in case the other man was too frightened to realize that was a joke. “Now please, put your weapons away. I promise you won’t need them.”

            Kakashi trudged over to the drawer like a condemned man and emptied his personal arsenal into the drawer.

            “That senbon you have tucked in your hitai-ate, too, Kakashi.” Iruka ordered. His special teacher-ly powers weren’t going to let any hidden weaponry slip by unnoticed. The Copy Nin let his final hidden senbon drop into the drawer with a defeated sigh.

            Iruka beckoned him back to the bed and gently seized one of his hands. He guided Kakashi’s palm along his headboard, a wooden piece with little bars running vertically like a ladder-back chair.

            “Feel that notch?” He asked when he found the spot he was looking for. Kakashi nodded. “There are two senbon in there, each with a tranquilizing poison on them that will have anyone you throw them at sleeping for an hour at least.” He brought their joined hands down to the space between the headboard and the mattress. “Right there in that groove is an emergency kunai.” He continued. “If any enemies try to attack us, you won’t be unarmed.”

            Kakashi relaxed visibly at the knowledge that there was something sharp and pointy within reach, should he require it. He allowed the rest of his clothes to be tossed aside. 
                                                                  (Part 2)